convincing parents

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Greetings, Xiath!

I have found that one of the very best ways to convince parents to let you do something is to demonstrate Responsibility and mature, level-headed Judgement. When they know from experience that they can trust you to make considered decisions on matters like this, they are often quite willing to give their blessings and assistance. Of course, this means acting responsibly in most matters where you must make a choice, and being open with them about what you wish to do, where you are doing it, and why you wish to do it.

Your principle concern expressed here is that you do not know any Furry Fans in real life, which means of course that they don't know any, either. But by selecting a target of 2011 for going to AC, you have given yourself plenty of time to correct that! The solution seems simple enough - get to know other Furry Fans in Real Life. Your post doesn't say where you live (and for a 16 or 17 year old, that is wise), but if you look around the web, there are resources to help you locate other furry fans, some of whom may be closer than you think. Almost every state has some Furry Fans, and several large cities have their own groups and associations, with events and "gathers" that they hold. I recently moved to a suburb of Sacramento, CA - and was astonished to find a group called the "SacFurs", several of whom live in the same town as me. They schedule gatherings at least twice a month, and most Saturdays.

Furry Fans also have a tendency to be interested in, and get involved with, other "Fannish" activities. This would include Science Fiction Clubs and conventions, (SciFi Cons), Anime (Japanese Animation) Clubs and Conventions, and Rennaissance Faires (RenFaire). Actually, I think that most Furry Fans are rather surprised when they discover that we are just one branch of a greater common interest group generally referred to as "Fandom". Perhaps your school has an Anime or similar club; while not all Anime Fans are "Furry", goodness knows lots of Furfans are heavily into Anime.

Such enthusiasm is admirable - but 2 years is a fair ways down the road; much can happen along that road, and the future can never be quite that certain. By all means, do the research, make plans (and enjoy the anticipation!), but don't carve them into stone just yet; allow yourself a great deal of flexibility, in case things take a turn that you hadn't expected. Flexibility gives you the power to adapt and roll with the punches, and to follow your goal, even if it suddenly takes off in a direction that you could not foresee.

The economy in 2 years' time is bound to be different; plan on things like airfares costing 50% more than they do now. The cost of the hotel might go up, depending on how well our intrepid staff can negotiate a good rate for us, which also might be dependent on how well the hotel comes out by hosting us next year. It is even possible - though very unlikely - that you might not be able to fly the route to Pittsburgh that you can today, the principal airlines may reconfigure their routes and what airports they serve. So plan by checking out other options, such as taking a train, or the Greyhound Bus. And if you DO find local Furry Fans and make friends with them, unless you are travelling 1,000 miles, consider a "roadtrip" as a possibility. But as a rule, calculate what you think the total costs are going to be, with the best information available today, add about 20% for things you didn't foresee, and then add 50% to that. It may cost far less, but it is better to save too much than to fall short at the end.

Best way to save? Calculate how much you think you will need, divide that amount by the number of months until the Convention Date in 2011 - that ought to be about 23; and then take that amount and set it aside, each and every month, right after you have paid for whatever expenses that you have now. If you already have a savings account of some sort, see about opening another, just for an "AnthroCon Fund". You will find it a tad easier to keep the money, if it is separate from what you use to pay your everyday expenses.

I do not know what sort of Job you have at 16 or 17, but if it pays you with an actual paycheck, see if it is possible for a Direct Deposit of your pay, or at least a portion of it, deducted and paid automatically into your AC Fund. Your resulting paycheck will be lower, but that makes it easier to enforce the discipline of a budget. Remember, that "missing" money is still yours, you have just made it easier to accumulate, and more difficult for it to slip through your fingers.

Say you set aside $50 every month (and many people get paid twice a month, so that becomes $25 every payday); at the end of 23 months, that amount is $1,150. Many people, with careful planning and shopping for the right airfare, can pay for a hotel room and travel and Registration Fee out of this, with enough for meals - but it would be tight. You could try to find some reliable friend to share the cost of a room with, or change the days that you actually attend, and this becomes much more managable; or, if your calculations seem to not leave any "flexibility" here, increase your savings rate. Every extra $5 that you save each month is an additional $115 added to the total - but you have got to be consistent in this plan, to make it work.

Oh - and when calculating your total costs, if you are going for a single room without cost-sharing by roommates, remember that the price of anything is usually the base price, which the actual hotel or airline gets; there are usually taxes and use fees, as well. I don't have my bill from the Omni in front of me, but I believe that the rate was in the vicinity of 15%, and I'm sure that one of our eagle-eyed staff will correct me with the proper figure.

I would take steps to start saving that $50 or $55 or $60 per month immediately. The longer you delay saving, the larger and larger chunks of money that you shall have to set aside regularly, to have enough to pay for it all.

I would also - if I were you - start to hunt down those local fur friends. Nice, long-established friendships will make going to a convention more fun, and will ease the concerns of your parents.

The best time to approach your parents? At Least 2 months before you finalise your plans, and make your hotel reservations, your air transport, and your convention registration - and I would seriously suggest trying to do all THAT - particularly the hotel reservations - at least 6 months out - that would be January, 2011, and if we have the opportunity 8 months out, then I would try it then. So aim to broach the subject around, say, September 2009 or so. By then, you will be able to see how well you have saved, and to see if you still feel the same about Furry in general, and AnthroCon in particular.

And by the way - being able to show them that you HAVE been planning to go, AND have been responsibly saving to pay for it, coupled with trusting them enough to ask that far in advance, is a GREAT way to demonstrate Responsibility and Judgement.

Good Luck!

EDIT - Half an hour later: By heavens, WHAT WAS I THINKING! 2011 - that's almost 3 years away, not 2!

For the calculations that I gave you - figure 35 months in which to do your savings! If you can keep to the schedule, $40 per month = $1,400 and $45/mo = $1,575 and $50/mo = $1,750. As you can see, every $5 which you manage to save each month is an additional $175 to the total.

I'm not sure how a person of 15 years earns $50 a month, so you can reasonably start with less, but if you really want flexibility and the ability to handle unpleasant surprises, the larger the amount each month that you can afford, the better the outcome. Rather than straining yourself to meet that, better to save a little less each month, so long as it is a consistent amount, and not large sums irregularly added. It is VERY IMPORTANT to develop the habit of regular contributions, of a steady amount that you can both readily bear, and get used to depositing.

Again - Good Luck!

You have a few years to make contacts on the messageboards, on the mailgroups,
on all sorts of resources. That's how I got to know people before I went
to AC (and how I was convinced I'd WANT to go, for that matter.)
Start making friends.

You have planned ahead and can make this surgically precise.
First, plan out what to say to introduce them to the subject.
Completely leave out anything negative. Focus on the more mundane aspects
and the things they'll understand- everybody knows Bugs Bunny, or
Mickey Mouse, or Thundercats, say. People at the convention like the
cartoons, and the comic books, and artwork.
You can get into this being a family-friendly event, since children and
parents of ALL ages attend. You can even touch on some of the more
serious stuff if you want-where people discuss zoology, conservation,
animal spirituality and so on- since some of the panels discuss exactly
that. (Check the program for what panels are covered.)

I'd also know people a few years, and have at least one roommate lined
up to split costs with. If you've known them for over a year, you probably
know if they're trustworthy or not. Quad rooms sleep up to 4 people
comfortably, other rooms sleep fewer. Just remember that you can only get
up to 2 beds in a room, so someone will either share a bed when there's
3 or 4 people, or 1-2 of you will sleep on the floor.
(The hotel doesn't want more than 4 to a room.)
If you have all the information on all the ways to get to the convention
ready, they're bound to be impressed at how serious and organized you are.
(Even if they know you're smart-parents are slow to really tell how capable
you are.)

If you're planning for a specific convention, I'd begin planning to discuss it
shortly after the previous one ends-about the end of August would probably be
good. That way, you can begin crystallizing plans right after your discussion
with them. Also, my experience (which is not universal) is that plane tickets
GENERALLY tend to be cheaper the sooner you book the flight.
(Some people have noted SOME seats have opened up cheap within a month before
a flight, but I wouldn't count on that to RELIABLY happen.)

If it's not too far, you can also consider taking a bus or a train there-
especially if you're only 1-2 states away. If nothing else, they can be a
backup plan, since they're almost always cheaper than a flight.
(Then again, the other year, someone posted a special sale one airline
had which made the flights temporarily cheap enough to be competitive
with train prices.)

===================
Oh, and repeat after me:
"You do not need a fursuit to be a furry.
You do not need a fursuit to go to AnthroCon.
You can have a good time without any furry accessories."

As many as 15% of the attendees wear fursuits at some
point in the convention. That means they have to pack
and carry the things, then wear fur in the summer.

No thanks, I can pass on that, myself.
If they want to wear them, hey, that's just fine with me.

And as Kage usually says, you could always ask if they, or one of them, would like to go with you and that way you wouldn't have to wait until you were 18. I guess it would be harder if airfare is very expensive for you though. AC is great, but there are also many other furry cons around the country, if there is one closer to you perhaps you could convince your parents to attend one of the smaller ones with you first?

By the way, if you are thinking about getting a partial, possibly the least expensive fursuit-maker I have found was Beastcub. She is quite talented and can work in a variety of styles. Right now I am commissioning a fullsuit of my donkey character Bill from her; I gave her a lot of references and asked her to make it as close to my design as realistically possible and although she's only done the head so far I think she achieved what I asked She is also willing to work with people on budgets, for instance my fullsuit is going to end up costing a little more than half of what it would cost if I had commissioned a more professional, well-established maker like LatinVixen/OneFurAll/etc.

-Tory

OMG just today my parents asked what the fandom was ..... i gave them the explanation from this website and they were like "so do u dress up?" and like u said i said i can be furry without dressing up. i am going to wait on the con because i brought it up and my mom said no because she said it would be just a bunch of weirdos trying to "mess" with me (i got mad when she said that) so im just going to wait till im older and pay my own way 1 1/2 years till i is 18!

The way I let my parents know about AC was by showing them videos. They thought it was cool seeing the fursuiters dancing and having fun, and I told my mom that I wanted to go there and do that. That's also how I convinced her to let me buy a fursuit (only partial though).

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